This Is What Sexy Means to Me

Sexy. Photo: Shutterstock
Sexy. Photo: Shutterstock
Sexy. Photo: Shutterstock

I am beautiful and I am sexy, not because of my appearance or external presentations; it’s a feeling that radiates from within and an energy that conveys that I am certainly comfortable in my own flawed skin. Let’s get real; the most common definition of the word “sexy”, especially in the crooked, over-sexualized media, leads toward sex appeal – looking attractive and physically appealing.

Exploring views on this subject when human beings reactions can potentially become so ingrained and automatic that they may not even come to the realization that they are participating in their very own marginalization is simultaneously eye and mind opening. Here’s a thought or two, boo; what if sexy wasn’t solely pertaining to your physical appearance, a hairdo, a piece of over-priced clothing, or the way that you cake on that mask?

After all the shading, gluing and glossing, there is inherently a factor that lies beneath that reigns supreme. To each their own; festive acrylic nails, day-drinking in faux lashes on a weekly basis and the misuse of sequins certainly compasses the opposite effect for me. What if you explored your views on this subject and acknowledged that it is not purely aesthetic and all of this other stuff is simply a bonus? For fuck’s sake, who in your world is dictating what is sexy, and why the hell are you not deciding for yourself? Today, as I share my personal perception of the top three aspects of life that I personally find to be sexy as ever, I challenge you to think about this question; how do you define sexy?

1. Personal Accountability/Honesty

Make yourself indispensable. Sit on the hot seat of your life, baby. Honesty is the highest form of intimacy. Be consistent, untie the binding knots and strike when the iron is hot. Do not flatter and shield your precious ego from ‘blame’ when you make an error or mistake. Be brutally honest with others and yourself. Confession; I am odd and unfiltered. I have absolutely no shrivel of elegance, societal manners or etiquette and/or sociable graces, and I certainly have perpetually considered my nonchalant cursing quite charming.

For example, after two pot’s of Green Tea, twelve sticks of fruit kabobs with fruit juice dripping down my chin, four glasses of kombucha and enough death glares to make a vulnerable soul run and hide at a recent event I attended held by Mercedes-Benz (I am so cool), I felt like Beyoncé on her birthday. (Middle fingers up, put them hands high, wave it in his face, tell ’em boy bye). Be strong and firm in your beliefs and actions. Despite how difficult a human being can potentially subconsciously make it out to be, countering the mechanisms of the ego defense system is as simple as choosing to eat when you are hungry.

I find it incredibly attractive when a human being bravely follows the thread whether it leads to hurt, pain or otherwise and can communicate directly, openly, lucidly and clearly. I absolutely no longer affiliate myself with individuals who cannot carry out a mature and forward conversation. Take the force of the blow. Quit dwelling on justifications, which only creates a domino effect of blame, shame and disdain; the only individual you ever have to justify absolutely anything to is yourself. Narcissism has certainly risen in our society and failing to acknowledge how your behavior or actions have the potential to affect another human beings life will create a snowball effect plagued by stress, anxiety and physical/mental health concerns. Simply striving to take 100% responsibility for your life and ownership for your trials and errors is incredibly sexy to me and certainly does not distort reality. Persistence is sexy, too. You can’t learn from your mistakes if you don’t make ’em. Celebrate the beauty of uncertainty. Be vulnerable, honest and open; such sustainable groundwork for a healthy connection and mutual affection. Let’s bond and coexist over honest conversations and sharing each other’s internal observations.

2. Wisdom/Intelligence

Add a charm to my mental Pandora bracelet. Uphold the rhythm and cadence of a life internally well-lived. I can’t even with a box of rocks solely externally portraying themselves as a hot-shot. Intelligence with zero level of arrogance is so fucking sexy to me. Holding multiple perspectives in mind at the same time and an individual prone to observation rather than instant reaction showcases to me that your wisdom is coalesced with your humility. I don’t give a flying fuck if you scored well on a standardized exam; I perceive that intelligence is a multi-dimensional, multi-faceted personal and worldly awareness.

An individual that is anxiously willing to share and is exposed to philosophies, ideas, writing and art that I may have never stumbled upon before rocks my fucking socks. I literally get wet when an individual possesses the potential to challenge me intellectually. You’re not smart; you’re erudite. You don’t get offended, you ponder upon the feelings stirring within the other individual and find what I like to call the “teachable moment.” Know yourself; do you enjoy spending time in the outer world amongst the general public, buzzing crowds, obstreperous noise, and eager movement? Are you fond of the solitary path of residing within your inner world of extraordinary ideas, outlandish images, and peculiar creativity with a twist of placid stillness? Being well-informed of my standout quirks, foreign characteristics, vexatious ticks, learning style, mental capacity and unique talents has aided in the development of my self-confidence and has led me to gain an inward and outward appreciation of my luxuriant self.

3. Vulnerability

Maximum vulnerability and malleability. It’s real, raw, honest, and, yes, sexy. Let down your guard and show me that sensitivity, baby. Your feelings are welcome here. Strip down; show up in your creationships with yourself, family, friends and partners with utterly unguarded openness, authenticity and vulnerability. The power of vulnerability is so fucking underrated. Bring your own flavor and radiance to every experience.

Embrace those quarter life crisis vibes, baby girl. Go through all of your so-called discomforts and further get to know yourself. Whenever you choose to place yourself in a state of vulnerability, you become an honest, honorable human being with far better communication skills and far more peace of fucking mind (get it?). Be a risk-taker, ground-shaker and graceful winner and loser. Live fully in every fucking moment with contagious enthusiasm and energetic passion rather than a fairy-tale image of constraint and a series of hypothetical fears. You either risk the unpleasant or risk the unanswered. Cry in line at the grocery store (I’ve done it twice this week). Own your shit and haul out all of the issues that put a damper in between you living out the life of your dreams. You are a fighter; lay bare your true, flawed, jaded, emotionally unstable, and mentally afflicted being.

So, you see; what is sexy to me may surely not be what’s sexy to you, and that’s super cool. See you on the other side of my menstrual cycle.





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