Open to Everything, Attached to Nothing

Open Relationships - PEXELS
Open Relationships - PEXELS
Photo: Pexels

Off rip, let me set the record straight: being in a healthy, fulfilling relationship is marvelous. The ability to commit to blending two lives together beyond the method of madness from an uncomplicated perspective of gratitude toward unconditional love is estimable. However, I am not Cinderella 2.0.

I am a super dose of soulful fruit. I will never water myself down because an individual cannot handle me at 100 proof. I am a looming question mark in a land of absolutes. There’s a whole world of magnetizing auras, brilliant minds, intoxicating glares, feelings that stand the test of time and a variety of remarkably bizarre connections out there for me to explore; I have checked the mere thought of monogamous commitment at the door.

I have mixed and mingled with the inherently good, the excruciatingly bad and the straight up internally evil. I have met a plethora of extremely kind human beings, the stage five clingers, the “players”, the haters, the sexual rejuvenators and malicious perpetrators. The sugar, spice and everything nice beings are pretty on the eyes, yet lack the internal prize. I don’t do small talk.

Self-proclaimed hotshots who talk the talk but don’t walk the walk are a joke; take off your precarious cloak. I am not dating material. I never want to be a wife; I live an unconventional life full of trial, error and strife. I’m ambitious AF. I’m tough. I like it gentle, I like it rough. I cut to the chase; I won’t adjust to your complacent pace. I am far from simple and I won’t giggle or agree with everything you say; I live life and move in my own way.

I fall in love every single day in a variety of ways. Labels and restrictions create an existence lived out through the confines of an internal prison; love is boundless, transcendent, and kaleidoscopic. I celebrate the complexity and diversity of human creationships in all forms. I do understand the longstanding cultural and political reasons as to why individuals identify with words such as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

But, as much as human beings favor binaries, I perceive that these terms are far too black and white to encompass everything a human being can embody and desire. Human beings traverse through an incalculable amount of major changes throughout their lifetime, and from experience, I perceive that sexual desires interchange repeatedly and regularly. I have experienced phases in which I am simultaneously attracted to both men and women; I have also experienced cycles of being far more interested in a particular gender.

My sexuality transcends traditional sexual categories and it’s fluidity has no fixed shape. I am attracted to vulnerability. I am attracted to a magnetizing aura. I am attracted to depth. I am attracted to a brutally soft soul with a brilliant mind ahead of their time. I am attracted to a relation that is a process of self-revelation. I am attracted to an action taker and authentic soul shaker. I am attracted to gentleness. I am attracted to emotion. I am attracted to grit. I am attracted to a bold mortal who is aware of their majesty and far reaching freedoms. I am attracted to a living, breathing embodiment of love. Whether you are a king or a queen, I am attracted to magical, multi-dimensional and luminous human beings. I am an explorer and true life adorer.

Love is the greatest natural drug in the world. Love is a special attitude with behavioral and emotional components; love is omnipotent. Yes, it is possible to feel love with multiple human beings at the same time. I celebrate polygamy with dignity. I have a few intimate platonic relations and very few non-platonic relations that have sprouted internal revelations and are abounding with loving vibrations. No, I do not lack emotional intelligence or sensitivity; I am simply a human being choosing not to be held in relational captivity. I create my own rules. I am my own muse. I keep it real; I play the field.

I am an impermanent being in flux. My decisions are solely my own and I put myself on a throne. There will never be an opportunity I am interested in that I will miss and I will kiss who I want to kiss. I do not perceive that I will ever be monogamously tied down. I mindfully take care of my mental, emotional and physical health. I face the inner sleet, hail and snow. I prioritize my internal and external goals. I love being alone. I am in a relationship with the world, but most importantly, I am in a passionate, intimate,  challenging, and raw relationship with myself.

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