Welcome to the world of legal weed! Pot is plentiful, easy enough to access and comes in more strains than any one person can wrap their face around at one time.
And that’s not a bad thing. All trees are not created equal, Stoners. Nor are they all meant for you.
Sativa, Indica or Hybrid are just the beginning. But how do I know which pot is the pot for me?
Astrology, duh. We’ve done the arduous and complicated research of assigning the perfect strain to each sign of the zodiac. We don’t promise the perfect match, but is there a perfect match? It’s all about the journey, my dudes.
Get high, come down, and then try again! And again and again and again. Start with our suggestions below, try some of your own strains, and hit us back with the results.
Yes, getting stoned before hitting the gym is a productive use of your time. And we have just the thing: Chernobyl. This hybrid has been known to produce bud with THC levels up to 30%. To the max! Just like you, Aries.
This strain is also good for belting out death metal tunes alone in your car—Ahem, Christina Applegate’s character in ‘Dead to Me’ —as well as general kicking ass in a chill way.
Face it Ram, you’re kind of the sign most likely to have anger issues. That melt away with the perfect high.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS STRAIN: leafly.com/strains/chernobyl
Don’t let anyone tell you the munchies are cliche, Taurus! In fact, only a fool would. We’re going to vote you the zodiac sign most likely to feed your stoned Astro buddies. Paella in a pinch? Osso buco alla Milanese from leftovers? Yes, yes, you do.
Gorilla Glue #4 is an Indica that will keep you as high as Guy Fieri’s hair. It’s a one-way ticket to Flavortown.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS STRAIN: leafly.com/strains/original-glue
It’s ok to want to know everything, Gemini. Just don’t expect to retain it.
How deep is deep space? What about that 13th constellation? Am I actually an Aries?
The One, comparable to Jack One, is a Hybrid and the perfect fuel for the cosmo’s curious child.
Is Jack and the Beanstalk a metaphor for giant weed plants? Is this me or the weed speaking? Whose thoughts are these thoughts?
Keep on keepin’ on, Gemini. There are answers are out there.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS STRAIN: leafly.com/strains/the-one
Oh, Emo Friend! Do you ever tire of being the mama of the zodiac? Beneath that tough shell is a soft underbelly calling to be rubbed.
Cuddle puddles and ‘The Neverending Story’ were made for you. As was Do-Si-Dos, an Indica with a relaxing high, perfect for LETTING IT ALL OUT.
Feeling unappreciated? We see you. And hear that professional cuddles make between $40 and $80 an hour. Even your sensitivities can’t deny that nothing says I love you like cold, hard cash.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS STRAIN: leafly.com/strains/do-si-dos
Let’s get blasted and play dress up! Jam session? Karaoke, anyone? Don your sharpest threads, we’re out to take over the world.
Doubt us? Mick Jagger, Madonna and Barack Obama all have suns in Leo. Indeed, this fixed fire sign is as playful as it is determined.
It takes just the right flower to feed the lion: Golden Goat, a hybrid with a complex flavor profile that sounds deceptively like it should be for Capricorns! Like we said, Leo loves dress up.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS STRAIN: leafly.com/strains/golden-goat
Getting blitzed to stay home and alphabetize your record collection isn’t everyone’s ideal Friday night—but everyone damned! You do you, Virgo.
Clean the house. Write in your diary, Count things! You’re a Mercurial sign with the superpower of synthesizing information.
Next time your writer friend asks you to edit her paper, tell her you’ll do it for an eight of the hybrid Liberty Haze to take the edge off. Thank you very much.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS STRAIN: leafly.com/strains/liberty-haze
Romance is fun, but it can be exhausting thinking about the other person all the time. All that balancing of the scales and whatnot. Even the most co-dependent among us need some ‘me time.’
May we suggest a CBD bath bomb, a long hit of Cheese Quake hybrid and cold glass of bubbly? Every Libra loves a well-balanced dessert.
And if your lover comes home early? Pass the joint and make some room in the tub. Even we’ll admit that the best weed is shared weed.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS STRAIN: leafly.com/strains/cheese-quake
Speaking of romance, stalking your ex from a dummy IG account isn’t going to win them back. It’s only pouring salt on the deep wound you keep very, very, well hidden.
Because you are the Ninja of the Zodiac. With a passion rivaling your planet-mate Aries, you have the added gifts of an attention span and the type of emotions that make cancer look like a cry baby. Dig that!
But not too deep lest you fixate yourself into a crushing hole of despair or an all-nighter on Reddit. Snap yourself out with a hit of AK-47 hybrid. And into more important matters. Like researching techniques to perfect your rear-naked choke.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS STRAIN: leafly.com/strains/ak-47
You have a mission Sagittarius: to discover the Truth and share it with your disciples. Knowing a thing isn’t enough for you, Great Centaur of the Zodiac. You need to know WHY and HOW and PREACH IT.
Like: “Tell me how we landed in the moon. We can’t trust the photographs. We can’t even trust science. The earth, my friends, is hollow and being controlled by a demonic blue pony on the lawn of the Denver airport. BLUCIFER!”
Fun fact: A piece of Blucifer fell on its creator, Luis Jiménez, in his studio AND KILLED HIM.
You know what won’t kill you? Weed. Oh, Brush Fire of the Signs, you light burns luminous and steady with visions of sacred geometry and great journeys of the ages—and indica Northern Lights is sure to stoke those flames. All. Night. Long.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS STRAIN: leafly.com/strains/northern-lights
You know who likes to party? Goats like to party.
Nice suit, Capricorn. Maybe you should take it off before hitting the bar / party / casino / strip club/ any place where people are getting blitzed. Oh, wait. No time.
All those cliches about Capricorns being structured and serious and working their way to the top? Totally true. And so is the fact that this sign parties harder than all of the signs combined.
You’re the mullet of the zodiac—work in the front…
We’ve got a pro-tip for you, Cap: Bruce Banner hybrid. It comes in strong and settles into euphoria.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS STRAIN: leafly.com/strains/bruce-banner
If Burning Man could be an astrological sign, it would be you, Aquarius. We’re not saying you like Burning Man. Rather, you are Burning Man. Whoa.
You’re the outsider inventing an alternative structure. The weirdo whose imagination allows you to see possibilities beyond this mundane experience. And you have been gifted the stamina and willpower to see your dreams to reality!
People forget that it takes work making houses and discotheques and sculptures to be burned in effigy, Honestly, we’ve never been to Burning Man, but we follow some girls who work at Google, so…
But for real, Thomas Edison was an Aquarius, and he for sure smoked Ghost Train Haze sativa.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS STRAIN: leafly.com/strains/ghost-train-haze
Close your eyes, Pisces, and imagine the ground beneath you slipping away. And then the whole earth crumbling into dust and spinning out into the Universe.
Imagine yourself floating in an expansive body of water, opening out into infinity.
Imagine, you’re two fish intertwined, like a dog chasing its tail.
Here you are, bobbing like a joyful buoy on a sea of nothingness. Words float to surface, sparkling with THC: Star Tonic. Hybrid.
You watch them float into the distance.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS STRAIN: leafly.com/strains/star-tonic